'Friending' with Autism

From SFGate Blogger Laura Shumaker.

My husband and I went to a graduation party over the weekend, and while he went to get us something to drink, I was greeted by a very friendly man wearing white jeans and a Tommy Bahama shirt who acted like we were long lost friends. I had no idea who he was but played along for a bit (“Hey … you, how’s  the family?”) hoping that eventually a light would go on. Just as he was filling me in on  his shoulder surgery, it hit me. This man was a Facebook friend, one who I hadn’t actually talked to in person since were were chaperones on a kindergarten field trip two decades ago.
The encounter reminded me  of a recent conversation that I have had with Matthew about Facebook. He’d “friended” a guy-I’ll call him Joe-that he knew remotely in middle school. He noticed that Joe lived near him in Santa Cruz. “Do you want to hang out sometime?” Matthew wrote on Joe’s wall. “Yeah, we’ll have to do that one of these days,” Joe replied. Encouraged, Matthew tried to nail down a date, sent way too many messages until Joe defriended him. The incident was one of many disappointing interactions for Matthew on Facebook.

Telling a Child They Have Autism

From Laura Shumaker's autism blog at SFGate.com

What’s the best way to tell a child they have autism? Is it necessary to tell them at all?
“Does Matthew know that he has autism?” my friends used to ask.
When he was very young, I saw no reason to tell him. Each of my three sons was different from the other, and I didn’t want Matthew to feel like he was being singled out because of his autism. But from early on, the words “autistic”, “special” “handicap” and “different” were mentioned casually in his presence by so many. “I’m not special!” Matthew would say, “I’m regular just like my brothers and the kids at my school!” I wondered if there would ever be a day that I could have a meaningful talk with him about his autism diagnosis. Just writing about it brings back that old familiar lump in my throat.

A Trip to Chicago -- Autism Style, Conclusion

The conclusion of Laura Shumaker's trip to Chicago with her son Matthew from SF Gate.

A recap of the Trip to Chicago:
a) Matthew's trip to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, a trip he'd saved up for and that he had been talking about for months, was cancelled.
b) Matthew and I decided Chicago might be a great alternative, since it is a big music town and is near states that Matthew has not been to. But who could travel with him?
c)Matthew suggested that I travel with him, even though his original plan was to travel "without my mother."
d)Matthew never gets sick. Fast forward. We check into Hard Rock Hotel, and Matthew is so sick (fever, sluggish, sore throat) that I summon the hotel emergency doctor, who gives Matthew a shot of B12 and an antibiotic. "He'll be fine in a few hours. Want a restaurant recommendation?"
Matthew was not fine in a few hours. He slept through till morning.

A Trip to Chicago -- Autism Style, Part 2

Part 2 of Linda Shumaker's blog from SFGate.com

When we left off (link to Part 1 if you missed it):
a) Matthew's trip to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, a trip he'd saved up for and that he had been talking about for months, was cancelled.
b) Matthew and I decided Chicago might be a great alternative, since it is a big music town and is near states that Matthew has not been to. But who could travel with him?
c)Matthew suggested that I travel with him, even though his original plan was to travel "without my mother."
I asked my friends from the autism community to recommend some good travel sites. Within minutes, I found a great deal: Two nights at the Hard Rock Hotel plus plane fare for just a little over $800 dollars.
Before I clicked the box that said "I want to purchase this travel", I contemplated the travel insurance option, but shrugged it off.

What Would Son Be Like Without Autism?

Laura Shumaker's piece on SF Gate.com, hits a note that many parents have thought quietly about at one time or another.

I called my brother at his office today just to check in, and his son Greg answered the phone.
"Good Morning, Bowhay Investment Group"
My nephew, who is just 2 weeks older than Matthew, is in business school. I'd forgotten that he was also working for his dad. We chatted for a few minutes and as I hung up, I was flooded with a feeling that I rarely let myself feel--regret. What would Matthew be like if he didn't have autism? What would he be doing?

Autism and Sex

Laura Shumaker from the San Francisco Chronicle's blog once again raises the questions that so many families struggle with.

I was at Barnes and Noble yesterday and overheard a little girl of about 4 ask her mother this question:
"If you have the egg in your tummy, how does Daddy help it hatch? Does he have to sit on you?"
Ah, the early days of "the talk". I remember them well. The questions sneak up on you when you least expect them and you need to be ready introduce the topic without falling apart.
Helping a child with autism comprehend the topic of sex is especially tricky,(at least in my experience), so much so that many parents hope it will never become "an issue".
Today, my friend Lindsey Nebeker, a young woman with autism, shares her perspective about love, sex and autism. Her story was recently featured on ABC.